Introduction. Thank, or at least acknowledge, your lucky stars -- Unmarried : in which I leave my spouse; flee to Independence, Oregon; and assume a future so bright, protective eyewear is required -- Ascendant : in which I establish a new family, join tinder, and fall in love over the course of one evening -- Dislocated : in which Trump becomes president, my bones crumble to dust, and we all become 25 to 33 percent crazier -- No apparent distress : in which I break my other arm and meditate on the nature of independence in a time of growing darkness -- Scenes from a breakdown : in which I just cannot get a win -- A fertile time : in which I seek the meaning of family and find some truly terrible ideas -- My almost-dying : in which I do the worst thing -- Psych ward crafting : in which I lose all my freedoms but gain some new makeup skills -- Well ... ish : in which I gain a lot of sanity and lose a lot of mobility -- So it's time to reconstitute your whole dang life : in which I do that exact thing -- Afterword : ... And now, here we all are.