CHAPTER 1 THE EVIL SCIENTIST Yesterday my big brother, Mark, turned into a real-life actual EVIL SCIENTIST . I mean, he always was mostly evil anyway--you know, knocking me down things or over things, locking me in things or out of things, squashing me under things or between things, that kind of mostly evil stuff. But lately he's slid up the evil scale from "mostly evil" to "nearly totally evil." It started with the way he talked. "Hey! Tom!" he shouted. "Remote! Now!" Mark spoke in short words, like his brain had shrunk or something. He grabbed the remote and kicked my foot away. "Moron," he mumbled. My best friend, Pradeep, who lives next door, says that "moron" is a big-brother word for little brothers. His brother, Sanj, who's also mostly evil, calls him that too. Luckily Sanj is away at boarding school though, so he can only be mostly evil to Pradeep during school vacations. I told my mom about Mark going more evil, but Mom said it's just that Mark is "home-moanal." Which I think is why he's moaning at home a lot. She said he can't help acting evil (well, she didn't say evil exactly, but she should have). She said it's because he has lots of "home-moans" racing around his body. Just when I thought Mark couldn't get worse, Granny and Grandad got him a chemistry set for his birthday. It came in a huge box with big official writing on the front that read: WARNING! Only for use by children over twelve years old. To be used solely under the supervision of adults. While I was reading the box, Mark thwacked my head from behind. "Don't touch this--got it?" he said. I walked away rubbing my head. Mostly because it hurt, but also to get my head out of the way in case he decided to thwack me again. He took out a white scientist coat and looked at all the stuff inside the box. There were bottles and test tubes and cups and little stirring things, all made of glass. Real breakable glass! Mom looked at the chemistry set and leaned over to me. "Maybe you shouldn't touch it, dear. It looks like an accident waiting to happen," she said. Mark put on the coat and turned around. He folded up the collar, shoved his hands in the pockets and let a creepy smile spread over his face. And you know that squirmy, prickly feeling you get when you let a millipede crawl on your arm? I had that feeling, but in my stomach. Mark had turned into an EVIL SCIENTIST . But I didn't know how evil he could be until he came home the next day with the goldfish. Text copyright © 2013 by Mo O'Hara. Illustrations copyright © 2013 by Marek Jagucki Excerpted from My Big Fat Zombie Goldfish by Mo O'Hara All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.